The Story Begins

HOST: What would it be like to have someone you love vanish without a trace?  It's a nightmare world that Beth Cox entered the day her husband, Barry, disappeared.

BETH COX: I spent a good two years thinking he was dead and the next day thinking he walked away and the next day feeling guilty for thinking that way.

HOST: Beth's story of loss and faith in this edition of Safe Harbor. Do you believe in love at first sight. Beth and Barry Cox met by chance at work one day.

 

Beth and Barry Meet

BETH COX: I went back to my office and he came down and wanted to know if I wanted to go get a hamburger. So we had a date that very night. We both, as we looked back, said we knew that night there was something very special. We talked on the phone or either saw each other every day after that.

HOST: Beth recalls that her dates with Barry were not what she had come to expect.

BETH COX: We talked so much; we had a lot to share. We did see each other probably on weekends. We met in February and we were married in September which I have a hard time explaining to my daughter that she must wait longer than that. It was rather fast and part of that time he was away in New Mexico at Camp Blue Haven, the summer portion, so we didn't have a normal courting relationship by any means. But what we had was always in much conversation. We really felt like we got to know each other and what was important to each other. We shared those type of things. I think that what drew us together so quickly is that it wasn't going to movies where you don't talk, but we go to dinner and just sit and talk and talk.

HOST: Looking back now, Beth says her relationship with Barry moved along unusually fast because they shared common interests and values.

BETH COX: We saw that we had a lot of things in common as far as desires. I explained that I had enjoyed teaching and he did, too. What we felt important about children we discussed. I remember us talking about that before we ever got married, we decided we wanted to have children. We talked a lot about children and the raising of them and the importance and the things we wanted to accomplish. We talked a lot about how we like to entertain. We both enjoyed entertaining.

HOST: Long after the wedding, the romance continued for Beth and Barry.

BETH COX: Barry liked to bring me flowers and being the woman that I am, I liked receiving flowers. He would bring flowers quite often and for no reason. I liked that most of all. Being for no reason, he would say that. He wrote me a lot of notes. I did the same for him. I would write a note and leave it if it was a day he was going to work late and I got up and left early. I would write a little note and leave it.

HOST: The couple's joy grew deeper still when daughter, Talitha, was born in their second year. But their lives were shattered by disaster just six short months later. Barry Cox disappeared while driving home to San Antonio, Texas nearby Lubbock. Beth recalls their last conversation just before Barry left Lubbock.

 

The Search For Barry

BETH COX: He had made arrangements, in fact I had talked to him on Wednesday night before he was to leave Lubbock. We discussed having dinner and who would be coming over for dinner on Sunday after worship service. Then the next thing was a phone call that night and it was a policeman just kind of asking questions if my husband was there. Anyway as it had progressed, I found out that they had found a car vandalized in west Texas actually just a few miles outside of Abilene.

HOST: The car was Barry's, but Barry himself was nowhere to be found.

BETH COX: We had the search, like I said, two days and over 100 people volunteered and did a circle around the area and nothing was ever found. We did a lot of our own investigating trying to figure out if the car was vandalized before or after he left it, was there a struggle, there is just a lot of unknown and it remained that way. There was a lot of unknown.

HOST: Beth's last hope was a private investigator. She recalls when he came to give her his final report.

BETH COX: When he came and said they had no answer, it was kind of like an accident, I went into shock. He left. Again, I can stay strong until everyone is out of sight and he left and I closed the door and crawled back to the couch. I got so cold and here it was in the summer and this all happened in July. I was wrapped up in a blanket and just shaking.

HOST: In the months and years that followed, Beth struggled most with a loss, but with the unanswered question.

BETH COX: I had a lot of highs and lows. I remember lying on my bed staring at the ceiling. I don't know if he walked away. I have a lot of doubts. I spent the next two years going back and forth; one day thinking he was dead and the next day thinking he walked away and the next day feeling guilty for thinking that way and back and forth.

 

The Healing Begins

HOST: More than 14 years after Barry's vanished, Beth still has no answer. Beth Cox says that without her faith in God she is quite certain what Barry's disappearance would have done to her.

BETH COX: I probably would be in an institution without the stability of the Lord there to grab you as you go banging on the wall and hold you closely and just comfort you. I don't know and it would be so hard to go through something like this without the Lord and like you said without the Lord's people. He's brought such strong support groups for me.

HOST: Beth encourages those weathering their own storms to share all their feelings with God in prayer.

BETH COX: Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Whatever emotions you're dealing with are okay. Share it with the Lord. I would definitely say then to allow yourself to feel what you feel and share it with the Lord. You may not be able to share with anyone else.

HOST: In the years since Barry's disappearance, Beth Cox has sheltered in God's safe harbor and it has left her with a peace that few of us can comprehend. There is a peace beyond human understanding.

BETH COX: If Barry walked away, more good has come than bad. I couldn't have said that seven years ago, but I can say that now. My prayer is that if he walked away, that he found whatever peace that he needed, that he had to go to such drastic steps. I have to realize that it had to be something awfully heavy on him to make such a decision. I pray that his 14 years down the road that he sees the blessings that I've seen.

HOST: If Barry died on that lonely stretch of Texas road, Beth has hope in the resurrection.

BETH COX: That would be wonderful. That will be great. When I get there I'll throw my arms around him and have what we never had on this earth. We were only together 22 months as husband and wife, but we will have eternity someday and that will be great.

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